A few months ago, my dog Matti passed away. He became ill very suddenly, not eating, lethargic, heavy breathing. He had just turned 8 years old, and he had cancer. He died at home four days after his diagnosis. I miss him terribly, and sometimes I still catch myself expecting to see him, or thinking I heard him, but he’s not there. We had time to say goodbye and knew the end was coming, just… not quite so quickly. His diagnosis was “6 months, max”. The specialist vet we took him to was great, and she was honest… they could do more imaging and tests to determine how bad his cancer was, but they could already see it had metastasized (spread to other organs) and wasn’t treatable. The only thing the added expense would do is narrow down that time frame.
I’m not sure why, but I’ve always associated him with red and black plaid. That was the collar I first got him and I never did find quite the right leash to go with it. Those patterns are most available around Christmas, so as I was walking through Target the other night it was just aisle after aisle of red and black plaid this year. He had a Christmas stocking, but gosh, this one is perfect for him. If, you know…
Which reminded me that when I unpack the Christmas decorations after Thanksgiving, I’m going to find his stocking. I’m having a really tough time right now, being queer and trans in post-election America. And I just really, really miss my dog right now.
